mistic.flame

On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts.

‘One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me’ said one boy.. Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.

Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, ‘One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me..’

He just knew what it was.. He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along.

‘Come here quick,’ said the boy, ‘you won’t believe what I heard! Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls.’

The man said, ‘Beat it kid, can’t you see it’s hard for me to walk.’ When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled slowly to the cemetery.

Standing by the fence they heard , ‘One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me.’

The old man whispered, ‘Boy, you’ve been tellin’ me  the truth. Let’s see if we can see the Lord.’

Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord.

At last they heard, ‘One for you, one for me. That’s all.. Now let’s go get those nuts by the fence and we’ll be done.’

They say the old man made it back to town a full 5 minutes ahead of the kid on the bike.

I was reading Genesis this morning and I came across this verse:

Gensis 22:17 That in blessing I will bless thee, and in multiplying I will multiply thy seed as the stars of the heaven, and as the sand which is upon the sea shore; and thy seed shall possess the gate of his enemies;

And that last bit struck my interest because a) the idea of stealing someones front door and walking off with it amuses me, and b) I seemed to remember Sampson actually doing it. (Talk about a piratical joke. And people think God’s no fun…)

Judges 16:2 And it was told the Gazites, saying, Samson is come hither. And they compassed him in, and laid wait for him all night in the gate of the city, and were quiet all the night, saying, In the morning, when it is day, we shall kill him.

3 And Samson lay till midnight, and arose at midnight, and took the doors of the gate of the city, and the two posts, and went away with them, bar and all, and put them upon his shoulders, and carried them up to the top of an hill that is before Hebron.

So it turns out that he had a good reason. It was a preemptive strike, but they were going to kill him so hitting second wasn’t such a good option. I just wonder how he kept himself from snickering (or waking anyone up while he was ripping the gates out of the ground for that matter.)

What he actually stole was the gate from the wall around the city, and the posts that hold them in place. This is a bit more important than anyone’s front door, because it was what kept attacking armies outside. (And if you read how much Samson kicked these guys asses, you’ll realize that they needed any protection they could get.)

And in case you’re wondering, Samson is in Abraham’s blood line. He was of the tribe of the Danites. The 12 tribes of Israel were from the sons of Jacob, son of Isaac, son of Abraham.

Also, if you havn’t seen it yet, The 9 Most Badass Bible Verses over on cracked.com is very amusing. (And just a bit dirty)

Go-go-gadget-security!

So, as you may have noticed, Any photos I post to my photo album automatically get pulled onto my blog and from there they get pulled onto facebook.
Well, apparently I had left public uploads available for some of my photo albums. And apparently some members of the public see that as a good opportunity to upload porn. really nasty porn.

So sorry if you ended up looking at some of that.

/Honestly, if it hadn’t happened to me, I would be laughing my ass off right now.
//as it was I chuckled a bit after getting over the initial shock

<Kaleidoscope> Alright, so this hermaphrodite walks into a bar..
<r3c0n> go fuck urself
<Kaleidoscope> Oh, so you’ve heard this one before..

bash.org

Fenstalker2122: Smex (adj. smex) Smex is a bastardized verson of the word “Sex” and is usually used to decribe somthing pleasing to the eye or favorable i.e. “That shirt is totally smex” or “That light show was the smex”

This came in bcc email I got from a friend named Rick Rohl

Incredible story about an elephant’s memory…

A young man was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from college. While he was walking through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air.

The elephant seemed distressed, so the man approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant’s foot. There was a large thorn deeply embedded in the bottom of the foot.

As carefully and as gently as he could, he worked the thorn out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man and with a rather stern look on its face, stared at him. For a good ten minutes, the man stood frozen — thinking of nothing else but being trampled.

Eventually, the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away.

The man never forgot that elephant or the events of that day. Twenty years later, the man was walking through the zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to where they were standing at the rail. The large bull elephant stared at him and lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times, all the while staring at the man. The man couldn’t help wondering if this was the same elephant.

After a while, it trumpeted loudly; then it continued to stare at him.

The man summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing, and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder.

Suddenly, the elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of the man’s legs and swung him wildly back and forth along the railing, killing him.

Probably wasn’t the same elephant.

From the Washington Post via the Christian Family Fellowship newsletter.

Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. The winners are:

1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n.), emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon (n.), a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men

<WeirdBeard> well my dad is icelandic, my mother is cuban
<WeirdBeard> i’m an icecube

– bash.org

NSFW, but worth a laugh:
http://www.schluchtenscheisser.de/schluchtenscheisser.swf

[Thanks Josh]