OMG, i was laughing straight through this thing. From Uncyclopedia

Your main goal in life has to be to commit suicide and think your amazing with you crying emoness, well not really commit suicide, but to give off the impression that you wish to commit suicide. Why the emo’s would wish to commit suicide I am unsure, as many of them seem to have fairly good upper-middle-class lives. [...]

If there is the slightest hint of a conflict with a perceived friend, or anyone at all,overreact as much as you possibly can.

It also helps to have utterly ludicrous hair (usually black, sort of spiky, with at least one other horribly bright color, such as neon green, purple, bright orange, or ice blue) and a favourite band with a name that is depressing, yet ominous. If it is actually nonsense when you think about it for five minutes, this is even better.